I met a man named Michael S. Gardner on my neighbor’s porch last year. He had a handbound book with an anthology of the zine that he edits/publishes called Burnside Represent. I looked at it and asked if it was for sale and he seemed really surprised. “Yes! Yes it is!” he said. I gave him twenty bucks on the spot and went on my merry way.
Little did I know that I had signed a deal with the devil. Now, every two weeks, Michael sends me a copy of his newest publication. Rain, sleet, dark of hangover, the newest Burnside Represent hits my mailbox. I have a back log of issues in my bathroom waiting for perusal.
Keeping in mind that I have now met Michael twice, it is both miraculous and sad that he is my #1 mail sender.
In honor of Michael, I am asking the world to do one thing and one thing only: START MAILING MORE CRAP.
Mail is a beautiful thing. Let me get all of you up to date on proper mailing technique. Basically, you put something in a box or envelope, put some colored money (stamps) on it, put that into a blue box on the corner and… Voila! some dude with burly, hairy calf muscles picks up that envelope or box and walks it straight over to your friends house!
Think of it like e
mail, but with out the “e” part. Imagine the possibilities: instead of sending someone an impersonal email forward of a funny cat hat, you could send them an actual hat for their cat! Now, what do you think of that?!
Bottom Line: Mail is totally the most awesome genius invention ever. Why didn’t I think of mail? I’m always late on the good ideas.
I have set up a makeshift mail station in my home. Please send me your address (or email me) and I promise to mail you some awesome garbage from my awesome mail station. All that I ask in return is that you also construct a postage center in your dining room and mail me something random or valuable.
Timothy Herby Belrose
1539 SE 21st Ave.
Portland Oregon 97214
See you in my mailbox.
Your post is probably true, but it’s making the Internet cry. Poor, poor Internet.
oh snap. whats mike gonna send???
I just sent you a valuable, sacred piece of our family history, which I’m not sure you’ve been exposed to previously.
i FINALLY finished my little care pack for you, dear herbivoracious. eeek!
considering that i mail some 60 odd copies of the zine every month across the country (and have been for the last 5 and a half years), i’m always a bit surprised and sad that my own mailbox is always empty. i hear people complain every time the price of stamps go up, but c’mon, it’s only 42 cents to send a letter hundreds or thousands of miles. there is no joy like the joy of a letter in the mailbox, and it takes only the slightest of efforts to do. cheers, herb.
Damn. I just remembered how hittin those Cheez its were. Go peep that picture again…HItt’N!
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